this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
