Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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