masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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