we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
