Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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