Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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