There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
