omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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