I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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