is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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