so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
