Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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