STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
