your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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