yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
