What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
