your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
