omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
