I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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