the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
