I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
