How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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