I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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