I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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