Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
