We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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