how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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