I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
