she smelled like a LAN party
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
