I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
ok first of all what the fuck
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
