seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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