Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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