Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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