We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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