We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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