Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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