You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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