dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
