I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
