No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize