What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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