They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
