Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
