I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
