there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
