How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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