it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
