we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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