and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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