He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
