A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize