the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
