i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
