Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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