What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
