if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize