I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
