I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
