I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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