false alarm. still invincible.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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