I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
