i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
honey bunches of taint.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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