I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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