Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You made out with two different species that night
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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