It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
