so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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