FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
