I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is it because I queefed?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
