So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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