tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
