Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize