I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
