dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
