I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
