Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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