i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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