last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
