so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
