How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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