peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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