He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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