Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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