Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
