is your mom at the bar?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
