Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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