He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
