i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
