at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
