cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
