I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
