Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Help. Why am I so naked?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
