I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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