its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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