I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
