I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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