I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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