My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
