This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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