You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
