And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
