Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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